Right.
As I’ve not so recently said, lots of stuff happened, er, recently. I’ve tried to write about it, and I’ve actually been working on one post for several weeks now, but it’s just not coming out the way it should. The more I write it, the more I feel that I should write more, like I must cover every possible place where my readers might misunderstand me – like I’m trying to push all of my thoughts into one big unified idea which will also be understood by almost anyone who can read English.
Then I realized that it simply isn’t working. It’s not just this post, it’s my entire perception of my blog. I think I’m not sure whom I’m writing for anymore or how I should write. This blog started with mostly logs of what I’m doing, with the occasional reflective post; then switching into my musings on “doing” and the various people and situations that have inspired me to do and be better.
Those posts would come out, if not always naturally, then at least with a certain “this post just feels right” vibe in my mind. I would oftentimes write a draft that I didn’t like, but that first draft would then be a sort of anchor from which I could move into the direction I want. I accepted this as a natural part of my writing process. But now, I see that anchors are not enough – I must define a new direction.
I was trying to define it without thinking too precisely about who will read my blog, but I think that can’t be taken out of the equation. The “doing” posts were written in a certain tone that not only felt right but also seemed like it was written for an audience – because they were. I always wanted feedback from my readers, and I got a fair amount of it, some really insightful, but at the same time I always strived not to think too much about the fact that I’m writing for an audience, in the sense of wondering whether or not they would like what I have to say. I had things I wanted to say. They were written for me, but also for other people. Now that it has become too difficult to say things, it’s time for a change.
I think I won’t even clearly define my new direction here. It’s too early, and I don’t want the one thought that was written down to push away the others that weren’t. I have some ideas, but we’ll see how it goes.
Right.
Beating Tolstoy 